Thursday, April 26, 2012

Nothing compares...

Everything i have ever been through in my life. Some things worse than many could imagine. Others not even close to what others have suffered.
I built a wall, my castle. So strong, so high to protect me from ever allowing myself to feel anything. Estranged from emotions and any emotional connection. May not have been right, but it was easier than feeling anything.
Then He came along and some how He managed to breach even my strongest and toughest wall and mask. Feelings i never believed were real or possible. Honestly thought such feelings were fantasies people just convinced themselves that they were really feeling.
Knowing from the beginning where it stood regarding a future did hurt, but knowing that not being any part of His life was even worse. Still wanting even the smallest piece possible. Still do, but for Him this seems to have changed.
I would do anything to protect him from any pain, even if it is a pain that nothing i have ever experienced compares to.
Nothing compares to the pain of losing my Daddy.

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