There are many forms of intimacy, but the most likely thought of when someone hears that word, is sexual intimacy. We usually think of sexual intercourse. Yet for me, the most intimate sexual act is oral sex, followed by anal sex. Right now, I’m only going to share my feelings about oral sex.
I very much enjoy pleasing a man orally… BUT and this is a big “but” for me. Not every man that I have had intercourse with, have I also had oral sex with. Nor have I wanted to have oral sex with them. It is a desire for me. The desire to give him pleasure, more than I can with just intercourse. Done in a way that I have more control over some of the physical pleasure he is feeling.
Now understand, that as much as I enjoy giving such an intimate pleasure to someone I desire. I am as equally turned off by doing so with someone I have no desire to do it with.
I had one issue that could affect such desire and that was when the man would touch my head or even sometimes close to it, like my shoulders. When this would happen, I would nearly freeze and/or cringe. If I didn’t physically freeze up, it would be my desire and pleasure in what I was doing that would freeze or dissolve. I feel pretty strong about where this came from, but it doesn’t really matter.
Fairly early on in my relationship with Sir, I found myself desiring to please him in this way. I even shared this issue of him touching my head and my fear of reacting. I wanted so badly to believe that the trust and feelings of being safe with him. Would be different and not have such a reaction. Even asked him to force me both mentally and physically to please him. Making me understand that my feelings and desires were not important right now. Only that I do well at pleasing him. At first he didn’t like the idea at all. Caring too much about what harm emotionally it may do to me.
It just happened that my fears were not an issue at all. When he touched my head in any way, I barely even noticed. When he then placed a hand on each side of my head and held my head so that he could push his cock deep into my mouth. I wanted him to hold it even tighter and force himself even deeper. Even my nervous feelings regarding his large size. Embarrassed that I gagged a few times due to his size. Never having done that before.
Knowing that each man’s cum can be different. I have actually prepared myself mentally for the possibility of it tasting less than desirable. So when Sir’s cum actually filled my mouth and I had no choice but to taste his pleasure. I was extremely surprised with how much I enjoyed the taste. It was sweet. I found myself feeling ashamed that I took so much pleasure in pleasing him and that I “wanting” to enjoy it again. Going into this intimate activity has always been about pleasing the man, but now I found myself wanting it more and enjoying it a great deal. Even pouting when I would ask to please him and he would tell me no or I have to wait. He even started to withhold it as punishment. Knowing I would rather take a severe spanking than not be rewarded. This had another effect on me in regards to punishment. When he had to withhold it for punishment, it affected his pleasure also. This made me feel badly that my behavior was hurting him also.
My desire for him to use my mouth in any way he desires and anytime he desires is a feelings I never imagined or expected to have. Wanting him even to stop me with whatever I am doing, no matter how inconvenient it may be and take my mouth right then. Wanting to feel his large stiff cock in my mouth, even if I am embarrassed when I gag from him thrusting it deep into the back of my throat, then taste his sweet cum is so unbelievably needed and wanted.
If it is a reward, he allows me what I call play time. Something no other man ever understood or wanted. After Sir has been pleased and if we have the time for me to play. He lets me play with him in my mouth. I enjoy holding him, licking and sucking his cock in this way. It is soothing for me and even at times fall asleep with my head resting on his thigh and his cock in my mouth.
There is so much more to what this is for me, but it would seem redundant to mention. It is simply explained with just a few words…
“ I WORSHIP HIS COCK”
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