CHAOS

An Invisible Thread

Beethoven Performed By A Great Pair Of Cheeks

Not usual interest for me.

I don’t usually find myself interested in anyone other than Sir/Daddy spanking me, but there is a guy I know that is employed where I work. Don’t work with him ever. He looks so much like Santa Claus. He is a big guy, with white hair and white beard.

I can’t help but to imagine him in a Santa suit, telling me how naughty I have been this year and need to be spanked. Dressed in one of the cute little girl Christmas dresses we always wore when we went to see Santa and have our pictures taken. Over his knee I go for a very long and hard spanking with his hand. Starting over my dress and then after he raises the back of my dress. He spanks on my panties, before Santa pulls my panties down to bare my bottom. 

Density of Wood Species

This is just a small sample of wood density. Quite useful information when choosing wood to make implements. For the longest time I thought OAK was fairly high on the density chart. On this chart it is in the top 50%, but in reality most oaks are not in the top 50% of hardwoods.

I Worship His Cock

There are many forms of intimacy, but the most likely thought of when someone hears that word, is sexual intimacy. We usually think of sexual intercourse. Yet for me, the most intimate sexual act is oral sex, followed by anal sex. Right now, I’m only going to share my feelings about oral sex.

I very much enjoy pleasing a man orally… BUT and this is a big “but” for me. Not every man that I have had intercourse with, have I also had oral sex with. Nor have I wanted to have oral sex with them. It is a desire for me. The desire to give him pleasure, more than I can with just intercourse. Done in a way that I have more control over some of the physical pleasure he is feeling.

Now understand, that as much as I enjoy giving such an intimate pleasure to someone I desire. I am as equally turned off by doing so with someone I have no desire to do it with.

I had one issue that could affect such desire and that was when the man would touch my head or even sometimes close to it, like my shoulders. When this would happen, I would nearly freeze and/or cringe. If I didn’t physically freeze up, it would be my desire and pleasure in what I was doing that would freeze or dissolve. I feel pretty strong about where this came from, but it doesn’t really matter.

Fairly early on in my relationship with Sir, I found myself desiring to please him in this way. I even shared this issue of him touching my head and my fear of reacting. I wanted so badly to believe that the trust and feelings of being safe with him. Would be different and not have such a reaction. Even asked him to force me both mentally and physically to please him. Making me understand that my feelings and desires were not important right now. Only that I do well at pleasing him. At first he didn’t like the idea at all. Caring too much about what harm emotionally it may do to me.

It just happened that my fears were not an issue at all. When he touched my head in any way, I barely even noticed. When he then placed a hand on each side of my head and held my head so that he could push his cock deep into my mouth. I wanted him to hold it even tighter and force himself even deeper. Even my nervous feelings regarding his large size. Embarrassed that I gagged a few times due to his size. Never having done that before.

Knowing that each man’s cum can be different. I have actually prepared myself mentally for the possibility of it tasting less than desirable. So when Sir’s cum actually filled my mouth and I had no choice but to taste his pleasure. I was extremely surprised with how much I enjoyed the taste. It was sweet. I found myself feeling ashamed that I took so much pleasure in pleasing him and that I “wanting” to enjoy it again. Going into this intimate activity has always been about pleasing the man, but now I found myself wanting it more and enjoying it a great deal. Even pouting when I would ask to please him and he would tell me no or I have to wait. He even started to withhold it as punishment. Knowing I would rather take a severe spanking than not be rewarded. This had another effect on me in regards to punishment. When he had to withhold it for punishment, it affected his pleasure also. This made me feel badly that my behavior was hurting him also.

My desire for him to use my mouth in any way he desires and anytime he desires is a feelings I never imagined or expected to have. Wanting him even to stop me with whatever I am doing, no matter how inconvenient it may be and take my mouth right then. Wanting to feel his large stiff cock in my mouth, even if I am embarrassed when I gag from him thrusting it deep into the back of my throat, then taste his sweet cum is so unbelievably needed and wanted.

If it is a reward, he allows me what I call play time. Something no other man ever understood or wanted. After Sir has been pleased and if we have the time for me to play. He lets me play with him in my mouth. I enjoy holding him, licking and sucking his cock in this way. It is soothing for me and even at times fall asleep with my head resting on his thigh and his cock in my mouth.

There is so much more to what this is for me, but it would seem redundant to mention. It is simply explained with just a few words…

“ I WORSHIP HIS COCK”    

My feelings regarding the issue in this great blog post. Do You Pull Them Down Or Do I? by Devlin O' Neill

We both have discussed this issue many times. The submitting, control, emotions and embarrassment. For me taking them down can be difficult, because it is that last protection between my bottom and the punishment/lesson i've earned that he intends on making sure i learn from. Yet i find it so much more embarrassing when he takes them down. Especially when done slowly. i'm a big girl and when he does it, i feel like a little girl that has no choice in the matter. When he by jerks my panties down, It makes me very nervous, because it is much more intense and obvious sign of his firm intent. Nothing is going to convince him otherwise. 

***Here is the great blog post by Devlin O' Neill regarding this issue.

http://www.devlinoneill.com/?p=17101

Naughty little devil stayed...

The angel on my shoulder just packed her little holy cloud in a suitcase and left muttering...
" I'm not paid enough to deal with this shit. "

My Mask

The show must go on, so every day I adjust my mask.

Pretending to be happy, tough and secure.

Pretending to be what others wanted and expected me to be.

Hoping no one is able to see through my mask.

As with any mask, it can be very suffocating and difficult to take a deep breath while wearing it.

All of my life I have only been able to lift it far enough from my face to allow myself a little fresh air. Never fully removing it.

Worst of all never believing that I could feel safe enough doing so.

Then I met someone that also had a mask, just like mine.

Suffocating with every breath he took. Never feeling fresh air touching his whole face or able to take a deep breath.

When together we began to lift our masks and breathe.

Taking deep breaths and enjoying the fresh air.

In no time we had been able to remove our masks and set them aside while we are together.

Each time it becomes more and more difficult and painful to pick up the mask and put it back on, but we have to.

We both want badly to be able to remove our masks forever somewhere in our lives.

Yet life is not always fair and we must play the cards we have. So from time to time when I am with him, I know that I am not suffocating under my mask.

We both are free to be who we are under those masks.

Sir and his servant girl  /  Daddy and his little girl

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.

Owl explains Twitterpated to Bambi, Thumper & Flower

Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example, you're walking along minding your own business, you're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of the sudden, you run smack into a pretty face.  You begin to get weak in the knees, your head's in a whirl! And then you feel light as feather, and before you know it you're walking on air!  And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop! And you completely lose your head!