Every Day I Love You

Not only are the words perfect, but the Roses add something extra special.

Prior to ever meeting each other, Roses had a special meaning for each of us.

So Roses just naturally became our flower together also.

Daddy's Hands

Just feelings and thoughts at the moment.

Can't stop feeling like nothing will change. No matter what I do or how hard I try. Want so much to see my world as "Half Full" instead of "Half Empty".

Funny how my love for real roller coasters and life's roller coaster has become less of a thrill and much more scary.

"Wake Up" Short story inspired by Daddy's email this morning.

You wake up with a hard cock and know that i am curled up under the covers by your legs. You pull the covers back to see how close my lips are to your swollen manhood. You consider a hard smack across my cheek, causing a startled awaking to both my mouth and my mind, but your decision of a softer approach will have a much more devious outcome.

You grin at how easy my lips open and take in your hard cock after only a couple swipes across my lips. Gentle sucking naturally takes place and as i become more awake to what i am doing, i look up at You. When my eyes meet yours, my body uncontrollably spasms with pleasure and is impossible to deny the naughty obvious. Ashamed, i quickly look away in hopes that You won't acknowledge it. You find it amusing how easy it is to predict such reactions from me and use them to satisfy your own pleasures. Your tone is stern sounding as the words cross your lips. Shame on you for being so naughty! Your hand takes a firm grip to my hair and as You continue to scold me, You push me deep onto your cock. I didn't hear you ask to suck my cock, so now I will fuck your naughty mouth hard and I better not find that you are enjoying it! Unable to see your face covered with an evil grin as You down hard on my head again, causing me to gag at the same time my body again displays the obvious signs of pleasure from your words. You don't allow me to take any control of the movement needed to give You pleasure. You ignore my gasps for air and continue forcing my face deep into your groin as You want and as fast or slow as You find necessary to satisfy your pleasure. As the feeling of pleasure become closer, You pull back hard on my hair, holding it tight against the surface of the bed. You take no concern of my mouth covered in drool and open gasping for a breath, as your cum explodes from You onto my face.

Unable to move from your tight grip on my hair, i wait for your direction. Fearing the obvious, i restrain from allowing my own hand to discover my body's deceiving pleasure. Again your grip tightens as You scold. you are such a mess girl, clean up that mess you made on your face. As You hand me a small cloth and then get up from the bed. Before i am finished wiping off my face, You have the covers off of me and order me to spread my legs wide. Without hesitation i obey by moving each leg one at a time, exposing my swollen wet pussy easily visible to You. Hmmmmm, What a naughty girl, a very naughty girl! Muffled whimper sounds are still heard, even as i push my own face down into the covers. Much louder, You order me to get up from the bed and look at the shameful wet circle on the sheet. Not wanting to look at it, but know i have to. i can't help but be embarrassed by the size and You have no problem taking advantage of this by asking. Did you do that? Did your naughty pussy make that wet spot on my bed? You stare down at me as You wait for the only answer acceptable. Yes Daddy, i did and i'm sorry. i didn't mean to be naughty.

Without a word, You take a seat on the bed and point to the floor next to You. With no more than a few steps, i'm standing next to You and You reach between my legs with your hand to only add to the embarrassment and provoke the fear of what we both know is coming next. Completely nude, i lean forward slowly over your knee into place as You instruct me to. my face only inches from the embarrassing wet spot on the bed. Your left hand is firmly holding me in place and your right hand resting on my bottom.

Let's see... Not asking to suck my cock, doing so without asking, enjoying it like a naughty girl and then leaving a wet spot on my bed. What do you think I should do for such naughty behavior little girl? i hate having to answer this question when You ask, because there is only one answer and the words have to be said. Ummmmm... You should spank me Daddy. Do you think it should be a long hard spanking so you learn a good lesson little girl? Soft whimpering sounds escape before i answer and confirm my fate. Yes Daddy.

Sometimes you’re not sure exactly how a spanking may unfold when You first decide to, but this time the answer is in my need to squirm, kick and cry out from being soundly spanked by her Daddy for being a naughty little girl.

"Anyway"

   I'm not a very religious person at all and without going into to much of that issue. I'll just sum it up in saying that I believe in God, not religion. I found this posted by a friend and felt it was special enough to share. Finding it thought provoking for many reason.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa

Our own Music

Missing You

Feeling needy for Daddy

I struggle a lot with my own feelings of being weak. As much as I know too well how much I need my Daddy. I truly hate feeling needy for his attention at times. When I see remarks by others on sites regarding per say, being needy/wanting attention from their Daddy or Dom. Even pouting or acting bratty about it. Find some remarks rather disrespectful and I try very hard not to be like that by fighting harder not to feel so needy.

Recently I was injured that has affected a great part of my life. Know this is only temporary, but still changes being able to do some everyday things, I normally have no difficulty doing. This may be part of why I’m feeling so needy right now.  Trying very hard not to allow this injury to affect my attitude, but it has.

Can’t say the need for some real discipline issues isn’t out there, but think maybe some discipline for simply my attitude is some of my needy feelings. Going over Daddy’s knee for a long hard spanking, in the way he knows will have me kicking and pleading. Yet he won’t stop until either I’m already crying or he knows it is enough. Then most likely once I’m curled up on his lap, I will bury my face in his chest and cry.

The need for the strength of his Dominance and the safety of his lap, with his arms wrapped tight around me is so difficult to ignore. Some may not understand this part, but wanting to please him. Then when he is satisfied, cuddled close to him, be able to pacify myself with him in my mouth as I rest my head on his thigh.

Honesty

Trauma Columbus 2012 is this week. Look what you will miss by not being there.

Trauma 2011 from J. Matthew Moore on Vimeo.

submissive ring tattoo

Found this ring online over 10 yrs ago. Love it and always thought it would be a nice tattooed ring. So on the way to the shop for another reason, I happen to see it hanging along with the large collection of item on my rear view mirror. 

One of those "what the hell" moments and did it. Hurt a lot more than I thought it would, but still nothing close to being as painful as having my eyeliner tattooed twice. OMG 

Less swollen then yesterday.

Should Wives Be Spanked? By Lawrence Gould Well Known Consulting Psychologist

If you are the average husband, there have been times when you've itched to give your wife a good, old-fashioned spanking. The chances are, everything considered, that you never actually did it, but I’ll guarantee you've wondered whether it would not have been a good idea. In some ways, it might, BUT–

Women — as I realize I am not the first man to note — are a funny proposition, though thanks to psychology, they are not quite as mysterious as they once were.

“I think Fred’s the nicest man I know”, said an attractive girl to me the other day. “We’re thoroughly congenial, and have marvelous times going out together, but I simply could not marry him. I can’t stand the way he lets me push him around.”

Being a psychologist, I skipped the obvious question: “What makes you push him around, then?” For my young friend was just showing one more facet of the age-old contradiction in the feminine mind which has probably done more than anything else to make a woman’s mental processes seem incomprehensible to the bewildered male.

You see, no matter what else she may want, the average girl wants to make sure the man she marries is essentially stronger than she is. The need is based equally on the atmosphere she was brought up in, and her own, originally childish wish for “somebody to depend on.” But the only way a girl can be sure of a man’s strength is to test it, which she generally does by finding out just how much she can get away with. Paradoxically, the less she succeeds, the harder she tries; and yet if she really succeeds, she loses all interest in the man who has been proved a weakling.

Naturally, girls have different ideas of what constitutes a strong man, but few of them have entirely out-grown the feeling that sheer physical superiority — demonstrable by force if necessary — lies at the bottom of it. And while the law does not permit this superiority to take the form of violence, as it once did ( the old common law allowed a man to beat his wife provided he used a stick “no bigger than his thumb”), there are few women for whom the idea of violence does not have at least a little fascination.

John Barrymore has his foibles, and there are four women, anyhow — the four wives who have sued him for divorce — who have sworn that he is pretty hard to live with. But so far as making a hit with the fair sex goes, not many men can match his record. And John never has made any secret of his readiness to “treat ‘em rough” when necessary. In fact, the immediate occasion for the break-up of his latest marriage was the spanking he gave Elaine Barrie in the last performance of the play, “My Dear Children,” in which they appeared together.

True, the spanking was ostensibly part of the business of the play — Barrymore, in the role of his wife’s stage father, was called on to use the oldest of all forms of discipline upon her — but this time he acted so over-convincingly that it was said Elaine had to choose her chair with caution for several days afterward. Not was this the first time he had “laid a hand” — or anyway, a foot — on her: she testified in a previous divorce suit that he had a way of kicking her under the table, even when they had guests, if she said or did things that annoyed him. Yet that evidently did not destroy his attraction for her, since she withdrew the suit and remained married to him for another two years.

Of course Barrymore is the soul of light-hearted and normality, and never could be accused of being cruel for cruelty’s sake, but psychology has developed its own terms for those persons who derive a thrill from practicing or suffering violence, especially in love-making.

Those who have an urge to hurt the objects of their passion are called “sadists”, from a famous Frenchman, the Marquis de Sade; while those who (believe it or not!) derive the most intense pleasure from being hurt are called “masochists,” after a character in a morbid German novel. And though either of these types of abnormality is relatively rare in its extreme form, traces of them are found in most people. Most women, especially, show signs of some degree of masochism, sometimes in the rather obscure form of what is called a “martyr complex,” and sometimes in direct sensuous enjoyment of roughness or ruthlessness from the man they love.

“Jimmy” Cagney is another actor who found women are thrilled by rough treatment — it was a scene in which he threw a grapefruit at his wife at the breakfast table that made him the idol of the feminine move-goers, and inaugurated a new screen fashion. Though in fact, the fashion was not so new as they called it; before Cagney there was the original “Sheik,” Rudolph Valentino, whose subtly sadistic role, though acted by a man, was the creation of a woman author and reflected the innermost yearnings of millions of feminine hearts.

But where did this yearning come from?

Like most of our mental secrets, it goes back to childhood — to those first impressions of life which have such a powerful effect upon our mental processes forever after. As is now known, many, and perhaps most children learn a great deal about the so-called facts of life in their earliest years than their parents imagine. They pick up the information, partly from observing animals (this is true particularly of farm children) and partly from watching their fathers and mothers at times when they are supposed to be asleep, or “too young to take notice”. A lot of these observations seem to be forgotten as the children grow up, but that does not wipe out the impressions they created.

In particular, the average child’s impression of adult love-making is that it is an attack upon the female, in which the male is both ruthless, and apparently furious. Thus a girl — without the least idea why — may feel after she has grown up that a man who never “gets rough” or loses his temper is not a real man. Most girls, of course, would deny any such feeling, but the fascination of the caveman for most members of their sex proves its existence beyond question.

Some months ago I discussed the dangers of hypnotism with a world-famous psychiatrist, and he pointed out one danger which most people never thought of. “It is quite true,” he agreed, that even in the hypnotic trance a person will do nothing that is contrary to his essential nature, but, at least in her unconscious mind, the average woman has a wish to be ravished which an unprincipled man could easily take advantage of.” And while in most women this wish is so deeply buried they never know it exists, it often reveals its presence by the craving to be “mastered” — by violence, if necessary — by the man whom they love.

Certainly the converse impulse exists in men, and essentially for the same reason; but with us Americans it generally has been smothered more or less effectually by the years of “petticoat government” to which we are subjected, both in school and at home. At heart, most of us are too much in awe of our wives to be capable of showing violence toward them except under the stress of such overwhelming rage that we are likely to go to far with it. And the situation is still further complicated by the fact that theoretically the American woman is too busy trying to prove her equality with men to admit her masochistic yearnings — except in her choice of movie heroes.

On the whole, then, while a lot of wives would probably be happier if their husbands gave them an occasional spanking, a psychologist can hardly recommend the practice. Except in the course of something like a psychoanalysis, the primitive feelings of both men and women are best left in the dark corners of the mind in which civilized life has confined them. As a modern husband, your best plan is probably to make your wife feel that you would not be afraid to spank her if you felt that she deserved it, but love her too much and are too chivalrous to do it except under extreme provocation. A hint of ruthlessness in love-making is another matter; the man who is too weak or too timid to achieve that will both disappoint his wife and frustrate part of his own manhood.

"Compliance" the movie... gives a much more disturbing form of public compliance.

In general, compliance means conforming to a rule, such as a specification, policy, standard or law.

I am submissive to one very special man and "Compliance" is very well understood in that regards. 

As is in my every day life. So when I saw the first clip I've shared. I simply thought it was a situation of compliance to someone known to the girl. The compliance involved was connected to an obvious authority over her. Think I even missed some key statements in this clip, when the "spanko" in me heard the word spanking and just focused on it happening.

Did some looking around to find more on the movie and found the second clip I've shared.

Interview and real footage from the McDonald's office camera.

This is quite disturbing and I'm almost lost for words to say about it.

Think ANGRY is the most appropriate word for how I feel about a situation where almost every person involved, showed "Compliance" to nothing more than a voice on the phone.

blog post about age play by Alicia Panettiere.

Want to share this blog post about age play by Alicia Panettiere. 
http://aliciapsroom.blogspot.com/2011/02/ageplay.html?zx=2146715d6af5ef5c

I also have in the past and even still at time struggle with how I feel during these moments. It is strongest when being punished for real issues, but being that we quite often use our real life past and present experiences in made up fun spankings. Along with our preference for reality. It is pretty obvious with those also.

I am quite lucky to have found someone who truly understands this and has helped me be less fearful of these feelings and embrace them more. For me a great deal of my embarrassment and struggle I still have with it is my "tough girl" that has been so much part of my life from my earliest memories of childhood personalities traits of dealing with every day life. Any of my little girl feelings, likes and habits were kept very well protected behind my castle wall. Three biggest examples of these hidden secrets as a little girl is loving to wear dresses and at times just playing dress up, but I was teased terribly when I wore dresses to school or just about anywhere. I loved playing with GIJoes and cars, but I loved even more, playing with dolls. My biggest secret was sucking my thumb, mostly at bed time. I actual sucked my thumb until I was 13yrs old. It was a ruptured appendix that ended with me in the hospital for nearly a month after surgery that had me so afraid of being discovered, that I placed my hands under my back when I was tired in hopes not to put my thumb in my mouth. It did work, but many years later as an adult. From time to time, my thumb found its way back in my mouth. Kind of freaked me out some and kept it a secret again for all these years. Finally told Daddy and he has been so wonderful about not giving me any reason to feel ashamed of it. Of course my own tough girl that still at times tries to come out with Daddy, finds it embarrassing at times when he is around to see it.

Will try to share more feelings and my new experiences on this later.

Taking advantage of lack of consequences comes to an end.

Been taking a little too much advantage of the lack of serious consequences for some time now. Not always being completely open about things I should be doing and not doing them. Mostly procrastinating issues, but not just simple things with any real deadline or problem if not done. Issues are work related; doctor apt/meds refills and at times bills. Things that have real effect on my life that can become big problems.

This last week we have had a lot more opportunities to communicate. Well today he kind of pinned me down per say on a few things. Not completely sure, but if I know him as I believe I do. Guessing either way there will be a spanking regarding the things discussed. The question is if it will be with the implement he said he would use if I don't keep the promises I made him. Of course that would be the one he knows I will do anything possible not to get. So now I have to get serious about these things. All the fun things about spanking aside and try to prevent this from being a spanking he would rather not have to give me and one I know I do not want to get with that damn implement.

Playing with some implements while Daddy is gone.

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Getting her work done with a very sore bottom.

It’s Saturday morning when the local fire chief is wide awake and sitting at the kitchen table for his daughter who is a fire fighter with the department, to come home from her shift at the fire house. With his Monday thru Friday schedule and her 24 hrs on shift and 48 hrs off. They don’t always have Saturday and Sunday off together, but this weekend they do and the Chief has plans for his daughter that she doesn’t know about yet nor will she be very happy about.

“Morning Daddy” as Rose comes in and sees him sipping his coffee and reading the paper. “Not so good morning for you young lady” he states as he sets his coffee down and leans back in his chair. Quickly Rose asks “What? What did I do?” recognizing the obvious tone in his voice, using the term young lady and worst of all the look in his eye that always seemed to eventually end with a spanking. “Sit down, we need to talk about something.” Rose tried to interrupt, but he pulled out a chair from the table and pointed to it and said “right now”. Rose carefully looked at him for clues as to what she had done as she slid into the chair.

He took another sip of his coffee to calm himself before he explained what was on his mind. “Young lady, I got an email last night from your Lieutenant. Explaining that you are extremely behind on your online lessons for continuing education. Over seeing this is not something that I need to concern myself with, because my officers take care of that, but last night I logged in and looked at the everyones progress. There was a few people behind with a lesson or two, but you… Young lady, you are behind several months and some months have 2 and 3 lessons.” Rose sat speechless as he continued to talk. Knowing she had no acceptable excuse and trying to would only make things worse. “So this is what you are going to do right now and without any discussion about it. You are going to go up to your room and get your school uniform on from high school.” Rose desperately wanted to ask why, but she felt a lump form in her throat when the memories of quite a few spankings she got from Daddy in her uniform. Before or after school. In a firm warning tone and look in his eye, “Do it quickly young lady and come to my office.”

Rose rushed up to her room and straight to her closet. Shoving clothes covered hangers from side to side looking for the uniform. It had been over 2 years since high school, but she knew it was in the closet somewhere. When she sees it, she yanks it from the bar and fumbles with the buttons and zipper, but finally gets dressed. Rose slips her white knee high covered sock feet into her old shoes and hurries down the steps to the office.

Rose finds him sitting behind his desk, but he doesn’t look up right away and she notices the old school desk and chair from the basement set up facing the wall near a corner.

“All right young lady”.  Startled, Rose looks at him. “Yes Daddy”.  “You have a great deal of work to do on these lessons and that is what you will be doing all weekend. Like when you were in school and sitting in detention doing your school work”.  The words in Rose’s mind just blurted out from her, disregarding her better judgment. “But Daddy, I have plans this weekend”. The look on his face is so stern that she couldn’t get the next words out fast enough. “Daddy, Daddy… I’m sorry, please I’m sorry”.

Rose watches him slide his chair back and stand. Nervously she leans back and forth on the balls of her feet and fidgets with her hands. He bends down and pulls open the bottom drawer of his huge wooden desk and when the large old school paddle with holes that was only used on her a handful of times growing up came into view. Rose’s hands instinctively reached back and covered her bottom. The feel of the material was quickly registered in her mind and translated to fear of how vulnerable her bottom would be in it.

Rose cried out, as her eyes began to water. “Please Daddy don’t, I’ll work real hard on the lessons and get them done. Please, please Daddy. I promise”. As he walked around the desk to where Rose is standing, he reminded her of what happened when she didn’t do her school work before and when she got detention. She wanted so badly to say that he never used that paddle to punish her for those things before, only very serious behavior. She knew that this meant it was serious and no begging or crying would do her any good, but this didn’t make it any easier to stop.

Using a calm voice he explained the facts of what was going to happen. “Young lady you are over six months behind on these lessons, which is a great deal of lessons. So I have decided to give your bottom at this point of dealing with this issue. Two whacks for each month, using six months for now”. Rose’s eyes stared back at him with a pleading look as the first tear fell down her cheek. “After you are paddled young lady. You will sit right there at that desk and work on your lessons. Like it was in school, if you misbehave during school. You will be punished again. Do I make myself clear?” In a soft voice she acknowledges his words. “Then tomorrow morning depending on how much you got done today, will depend on your paddling before sitting down to do your work again. This will continue each morning until you are caught up. This includes the days you have to go into work. That just might motivate you to do some of it at work on Monday if you aren’t done.” Rose’s eyes filled with tears and fear of her Daddy’s words give him confirmation of his daughter’s understanding of the issue.

“Alright young lady. I want you to turn around, bend over and hold your ankles.” She slowly turns away from him and the sounds of her crying are soft, but easily heard. The soft hopeless pleas are repeated over and over. Even as she tugs at her skirt hem, before she bends over as instructed and now in place with her hands on her ankles. “Twelve young lady” is all he announces to her before the first one lands hard across the bottom of her school uniform skirt. He watches his daughter’s body jump and hears the first of many cries she will call out before this is over. He waits to be sure she is secure in her position before he raises the paddle again and bringing it down just as hard as the first. He continues this four more times and knows that his point is being made, as her body trembles and her barely recognizable words plead as she continues to sob.

After the sixth swat, he reached down and takes hold of the hem of her uniform skirt. Lifting up from her already burning bottom cheeks and resting it securely on her back. Rose quickly cries out loudly. ”OH NO! NO! Pleasssse Daddy, no.” And reaches back. “Get that hand down right now young lady and stay in that positions.” Crying even louder now, she does as she is told. Not wanting to prolong this any longer than need be. He continues her punishment. The paddle lands across her already red bottom, making a much louder and more distinct sound than the six previous. Rose follows with even louder cries and this time jumps forward. He starts to scold his daughter on staying in position, but gives her a chance to correct herself. Her bottom is much darker red now without the protection of her uniform skirt and he take note of it, but knows that it has always been the case for him. That he doesn’t like having to discipline his little girl, but knows he has to do what is best for her and must follow through. The next two are even harder on Rose and it becomes more difficult for her to stay in the position she is expected to.

“These are the last three” he announces, yet he wants so badly to stop and just scoop her up and hold her on his lap and let her cry as he comforts her. He sets the paddle down and steps up behind her. Placing each thumb just inside the top band of her panties and pulls them down to her knees. His daughter screams out her dissatisfaction of it and with no warning to herself or him, begins to pee down her legs. This is not the first time this has happened and doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. If not worse now, because she is grown up. She finds it impossible to even speak of her situation and just cries now. Quite aware of her wetting herself, he finds no reason to delay the last of what he promised her. He does as he always has with her spankings since the very first, he finished it with attention given to her sit spot. The place where here bottom connects to the top of her thighs. This has always sent the message home in his mind and hers. Each one just a little harder than the last and in this case the same. After the first one, Rose jumped to her feet and grabbed her bottom. Dancing high on the tips of her toes. Now turned and looking at him with pleading eyes and tears flowing down her already stained cheeks. He sees her as he always has and always will no matter what, as his little girl. Calmly he tells her to be a good girl and turn around for the last two. His calm voice and the look in his eye really make her feel guilty for letting him down with this and even with her bottom so sore right now and on fire. She knows she deserves what she is getting right now and does as she is told. The next one land almost perfectly over the previous one and can’t keep from repeating the dance and grabbing her throbbing hot bottom. “Get back in position young lady.” She hears in a slightly firmer tone. She bends over but struggles to remove her hands from protecting her bottom. “Don’t make me add more because you won’t do as your told.” Slowly her hands slide down her legs from her bottom until they reach her ankles. Rose holds tight as the last painful swat shoots its message straight to her brain and back to her body. Bringing her even higher off the ground and franticly around the room holding her bottom.

He gives her this moment while he returns the paddle to his desk drawer and then comes back to her catching her arm in his grasp to slow her down. Pulling her close and giving her a loving hug as he softly tells her that he loves her. He allows her a moment to cry in his arms, but knows he needs to get her on task quickly. Releasing his hold he firmly tells her to leave her panties down for now and to go sit in that chair and get to work on her lessons. Even with her wet panties and socks. She makes a good choice to not argue about the clothes, but just do as she is told. He watches as his little girl gingerly settles onto the hard wooden desk chair he gave her to sit on at the desk.

After cleaning up the floor from her wetting her pants. He returns to his desk for some work he needs to accomplish in the next two days he has off. He looks over at his little girl and watches her shift her sore bottom as she works. Hoping that she accomplishes a lot today, knowing she won’t be able to finish it all today, but would like to make tomorrows spanking be a lot less than twelve.

Daydreaming

His arms crossed, his raised eyebrow, look in his eye, patting on his knee, tone in his voice, "You know the position young lady, get over my knee", his hand resting on my bottom then patting it and the soft whimper that just come out from the fear of what is about to happen and most of all that i feel at home, safe and loved. Either over his knee or cuddled on his lap.

Chief "n" cas's 1MC: heavy foot = heavy paddling and more :(

Found this today and felt quite worthy of sharing. Mostly because it is the audio of the discipline. I believe those that use spanking for discipline also will truly appreciate this audio for the words spoken by both, the tones, the sounds of the punishment given and the honest reactions.

Chief "n" cas's 1MC: heavy foot = heavy paddling and more :(: Speeding is probably one of my worst habits and the thing I struggle with the most. It is like I never learn, but I hope this will do the ...

CHAOS

An Invisible Thread

Beethoven Performed By A Great Pair Of Cheeks

Not usual interest for me.

I don’t usually find myself interested in anyone other than Sir/Daddy spanking me, but there is a guy I know that is employed where I work. Don’t work with him ever. He looks so much like Santa Claus. He is a big guy, with white hair and white beard.

I can’t help but to imagine him in a Santa suit, telling me how naughty I have been this year and need to be spanked. Dressed in one of the cute little girl Christmas dresses we always wore when we went to see Santa and have our pictures taken. Over his knee I go for a very long and hard spanking with his hand. Starting over my dress and then after he raises the back of my dress. He spanks on my panties, before Santa pulls my panties down to bare my bottom. 

Density of Wood Species

This is just a small sample of wood density. Quite useful information when choosing wood to make implements. For the longest time I thought OAK was fairly high on the density chart. On this chart it is in the top 50%, but in reality most oaks are not in the top 50% of hardwoods.

I Worship His Cock

There are many forms of intimacy, but the most likely thought of when someone hears that word, is sexual intimacy. We usually think of sexual intercourse. Yet for me, the most intimate sexual act is oral sex, followed by anal sex. Right now, I’m only going to share my feelings about oral sex.

I very much enjoy pleasing a man orally… BUT and this is a big “but” for me. Not every man that I have had intercourse with, have I also had oral sex with. Nor have I wanted to have oral sex with them. It is a desire for me. The desire to give him pleasure, more than I can with just intercourse. Done in a way that I have more control over some of the physical pleasure he is feeling.

Now understand, that as much as I enjoy giving such an intimate pleasure to someone I desire. I am as equally turned off by doing so with someone I have no desire to do it with.

I had one issue that could affect such desire and that was when the man would touch my head or even sometimes close to it, like my shoulders. When this would happen, I would nearly freeze and/or cringe. If I didn’t physically freeze up, it would be my desire and pleasure in what I was doing that would freeze or dissolve. I feel pretty strong about where this came from, but it doesn’t really matter.

Fairly early on in my relationship with Sir, I found myself desiring to please him in this way. I even shared this issue of him touching my head and my fear of reacting. I wanted so badly to believe that the trust and feelings of being safe with him. Would be different and not have such a reaction. Even asked him to force me both mentally and physically to please him. Making me understand that my feelings and desires were not important right now. Only that I do well at pleasing him. At first he didn’t like the idea at all. Caring too much about what harm emotionally it may do to me.

It just happened that my fears were not an issue at all. When he touched my head in any way, I barely even noticed. When he then placed a hand on each side of my head and held my head so that he could push his cock deep into my mouth. I wanted him to hold it even tighter and force himself even deeper. Even my nervous feelings regarding his large size. Embarrassed that I gagged a few times due to his size. Never having done that before.

Knowing that each man’s cum can be different. I have actually prepared myself mentally for the possibility of it tasting less than desirable. So when Sir’s cum actually filled my mouth and I had no choice but to taste his pleasure. I was extremely surprised with how much I enjoyed the taste. It was sweet. I found myself feeling ashamed that I took so much pleasure in pleasing him and that I “wanting” to enjoy it again. Going into this intimate activity has always been about pleasing the man, but now I found myself wanting it more and enjoying it a great deal. Even pouting when I would ask to please him and he would tell me no or I have to wait. He even started to withhold it as punishment. Knowing I would rather take a severe spanking than not be rewarded. This had another effect on me in regards to punishment. When he had to withhold it for punishment, it affected his pleasure also. This made me feel badly that my behavior was hurting him also.

My desire for him to use my mouth in any way he desires and anytime he desires is a feelings I never imagined or expected to have. Wanting him even to stop me with whatever I am doing, no matter how inconvenient it may be and take my mouth right then. Wanting to feel his large stiff cock in my mouth, even if I am embarrassed when I gag from him thrusting it deep into the back of my throat, then taste his sweet cum is so unbelievably needed and wanted.

If it is a reward, he allows me what I call play time. Something no other man ever understood or wanted. After Sir has been pleased and if we have the time for me to play. He lets me play with him in my mouth. I enjoy holding him, licking and sucking his cock in this way. It is soothing for me and even at times fall asleep with my head resting on his thigh and his cock in my mouth.

There is so much more to what this is for me, but it would seem redundant to mention. It is simply explained with just a few words…

“ I WORSHIP HIS COCK”    

My feelings regarding the issue in this great blog post. Do You Pull Them Down Or Do I? by Devlin O' Neill

We both have discussed this issue many times. The submitting, control, emotions and embarrassment. For me taking them down can be difficult, because it is that last protection between my bottom and the punishment/lesson i've earned that he intends on making sure i learn from. Yet i find it so much more embarrassing when he takes them down. Especially when done slowly. i'm a big girl and when he does it, i feel like a little girl that has no choice in the matter. When he by jerks my panties down, It makes me very nervous, because it is much more intense and obvious sign of his firm intent. Nothing is going to convince him otherwise. 

***Here is the great blog post by Devlin O' Neill regarding this issue.

http://www.devlinoneill.com/?p=17101

Naughty little devil stayed...

The angel on my shoulder just packed her little holy cloud in a suitcase and left muttering...
" I'm not paid enough to deal with this shit. "

My Mask

The show must go on, so every day I adjust my mask.

Pretending to be happy, tough and secure.

Pretending to be what others wanted and expected me to be.

Hoping no one is able to see through my mask.

As with any mask, it can be very suffocating and difficult to take a deep breath while wearing it.

All of my life I have only been able to lift it far enough from my face to allow myself a little fresh air. Never fully removing it.

Worst of all never believing that I could feel safe enough doing so.

Then I met someone that also had a mask, just like mine.

Suffocating with every breath he took. Never feeling fresh air touching his whole face or able to take a deep breath.

When together we began to lift our masks and breathe.

Taking deep breaths and enjoying the fresh air.

In no time we had been able to remove our masks and set them aside while we are together.

Each time it becomes more and more difficult and painful to pick up the mask and put it back on, but we have to.

We both want badly to be able to remove our masks forever somewhere in our lives.

Yet life is not always fair and we must play the cards we have. So from time to time when I am with him, I know that I am not suffocating under my mask.

We both are free to be who we are under those masks.

Sir and his servant girl  /  Daddy and his little girl

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.

Owl explains Twitterpated to Bambi, Thumper & Flower

Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example, you're walking along minding your own business, you're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of the sudden, you run smack into a pretty face.  You begin to get weak in the knees, your head's in a whirl! And then you feel light as feather, and before you know it you're walking on air!  And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop! And you completely lose your head!

reckless speeding over 100

The sounds you are hearing... are a naughty little girl crying and kicking her legs, from a well deserved spanking.

9 1/2 weeks "Nosy Parker" scene

John: Don‘t talk. I have a question

I want to ask you.

Elizabeth: Okay.

John: All the while that I was with

my friend, I was just wondering…

… what you were doing in there.

I was wondering if maybe

you were going through my clothes…

… looking in my drawers…

… looking at the things in my closet.

And I said,

“No, she’s not that kind of girl.

She’s a good girl.”

Good girls don ‘t snoop, do they?

So come on, you can tell me.

Tell me if you’ve been a nosy parker.

I mean, come on.

Really, I want to know.

I’m your pal, right? So tell me.

You can trust me.

It’ll be our secret.

So tell me.

Tell me.

Elizabeth *whispers: Yes.

John: Yes.. What’s that?

- Yes, what?

Elizabeth: Yes, I’ve been a nosy parker.

John: Shame on you.I didn’t think you’d be here.

Why’d you do that?

Elizabeth: I’m sorry.

John:You’ve been a very bad girl.

I want you to face the wall and raise

your skirt, because I’m gonna spank you.

Elizabeth: You are kidding?

John: I’m not kidding.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."― Anaïs Nin

A Spanking Poem

To love is to spank 
To spank is to love 
We're two of a kind 
We fit like a glove 

I know you've been bad 
I see what you need 
The spanking will come 
Our love we will feed 

You're my little girl 
Like the girl with the curl 
Who's sometimes good as gold 
But don't tell me you're too old 

To be taken in hand 
By someone who cares 
Who won't take your lip 
Nor cold hearted stares 

"Cause you've misbehaved 
I've told you before 
If you don't toe the mark 
Your behind will be sore 

I know it's my way 
That makes you obey 
I never back down 
I must spank you, today 

So over my lap 
You are taken again 
When I start to use the brush 
I'll hear you crying then 

But stop I cannot 
Until the lessons been learned 
Through heat to the seat 
And a bottom that's burned 

She kicks and she cries 
And begs and she pleads 
But spank her I must 
For such naughty deeds 

Her skirt is pulled up 
And her panties are down 
And hairbrush of wood 
Of Ebony brown 
She cries that it hurts 
She swears to be good 
But I will not stop 
Until the time that I should 

From flesh that was white 
To a color of pink 
To a red that resembles 
A cherry soft drink 
Her bottom so hot 
And her tears oh so real 
I'm sure this sound spanking 
To her will reveal 
That I love to spank her 
But above, most of all 
Is the love that I feel for her 
That makes me walk tall 
For I know I am doing 
This for her own good 
And I'll do it tomorrow 
If I know I should 
So, stay on the straight and narrow 
And take this to the bank 
Should you stray from the path girl 
Your bare fanny I will spank